Shaq Ready to Provide the Longest Arm of Law

The criminal element around the Port of Los Angeles had better beware. The Shaq will be after you.

That’s 7-foot-1, 350-pound Shaquille O’Neal, who has just been named a second-class reserve officer by the Port police department, according to a report in the Daily Breeze.

O’Neal, 30, who has often said he wants to be a police officer, has completed sufficient training to carry a gun and fight crime with senior officers.

“He can now ride as a second man in a port police car--not that he can fit in it,” said City Councilwoman Janice Hahn, who added that Shaq’s relationship with the police department is an excellent recruiting tool.

Trivia time: Who was the first American-born golfer to win the British Open?

Good idea: Tom FitzGerald said it in the San Francisco Chronicle: “If regular games were stopped when both teams ran out of pitchers, a Tigers-Devil Rays game wouldn’t go six innings.”

More Bud Bashing: Michael Gee in the Boston Herald on Commissioner Bud Selig’s recent troubles: “Selig’s week of horror is no surprise. The commissioner is a delightful man who’s less capable of running a multi-billion dollar operation than the average preschooler. It’s understandable if regrettable that the owners felt one of their own should be commissioner. But why did they pick a guy who by his own admission couldn’t make money in the baseball business?”

History lesson: Jay Leno said it on the NBC “Tonight Show”: “For some of the younger people who don’t remember, Hank Aaron is considered the greatest hitter in baseball history who is not currently frozen.”

Bad placement: On the same USA Today page last week was a story on a Starwood Hotels & Resort poll on chief executive officers who cheat at golf, and an advertisement for Starwood Golf Vacations.

Second thoughts: Former Laker A.C. Green promised to live a life of celibacy before getting married. Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union Tribune notes that, “A.C. has finally gotten himself hitched, at the age of 38, and he supposedly kept the bargain he made with himself.

“I’m only guessing, but his thoughts now have to be something like this: ‘I must have been out of my mind.’ ”

Angel report: Midseason thoughts from the Sporting News’ Caught on the Fly column:

“Sure, sure the Halos’ve had a good first-half run, but Fly’s hedgin’ bets on that gettin’ parlayed into a second-half wild card. The problem? Peekin’ at what Mike Scioscia’s been dealt shows a lotta 3s and 4s, but not a single ace--not a good hand when you’re sittin’ at the table with Joe Torre, Grady Little and Art Howe.”

Trivia answer: Walter Hagen, in 1922.

And finally: A four-month-old brown Nubian goat may be NASCAR’s next big promotional tool.

The goat, named Lil’ Dale, was born with a distinctive white 3, the late Dale Earnhardt’s number, on her right side.

“It’s weird, I’ve seen people take pictures and get tears in their eyes,” said her owner, Jerry Pierson, who operates a meat and dairy farm in Interlachen, Fla.