Character-Driven, Without the Drama

SAN ANTONIO — Because by now no Laker fan would recognize an event that didn’t have subplots, we propose this cast of characters for what would be an eagerly awaited series:

Lakers vs. Lakers vs. Un-Lakers.

The Lakers, of course, will play themselves and, unless they miraculously put their disagreements behind them, may play against themselves too.

The part of the Un-Lakers will be played by the San Antonio Spurs, who are 180 degrees from the Lakers, and owe their success to that fact.

The Lakers are the ultimate marquee act, beloved in Southern California, hated everywhere else the way the Yankees are hated outside New York.

The Lakers might even be numero uno. The Yankees are actually a likable bunch with a nice-guy manager, so if they didn’t have self-trumpeting owner George Steinbrenner, play in New York and have that $180-million payroll, they’d be just like anyone else.

The Lakers are all foibles all the time with their larger-than-life center, who’s often at odds with their former boy-next-door, who’s now a celebrity defendant. Then there are their other two future Hall of Famers, the happy one and the not-so-happy one, and their coach who delights in provoking fans in “semi-civilized” wastelands like Sacramento or “tourists traps” like this place.

These days, there’s no doubt who everyone wants to see, or see toppled. The NBA’s problem supposedly is the aftermath of Michael Jordan. It’s really the aftermath of the Lakers, as in, “What do we do if they get knocked out?”

David Stern, the commissioner of all the teams, told ESPN Radio’s Dan Patrick that his ideal Finals would be “the Lakers against the Lakers.”

Stern was joking, of course, but as my wife tells me, “There’s no such thing as a joke.”

Without the Lakers, it’s a dull, low-rated show, which is why three days after their matchup with the Spurs became official, the league still hadn’t announced dates for the last five games.

As an NBA official told someone who asked about the schedule: “We don’t know, TV hasn’t told us yet.”

At that point, there was fear it might go this way:

Today: Game 1 at San Antonio.

Wednesday: Game 2 at San Antonio.

Sunday: Game 3 at Staples Center.

Sunday, May 16: Game 4 at Staples Center.

Sunday, May 23: Game 5 at San Antonio (if needed).

Sunday, May 30: Game 6 at Staples Center (if needed).

Sunday, June 6: Game 7 at San Antonio (if needed).

You’ve heard of “appointment television?” You promise ABC you’ll invite a group of friends over to watch and they may let you set the dates.

Nevertheless, the Lakers aren’t hype. Even the Spurs seem to concede the Lakers are more talented than they are.

Even with a better record, a 15-game winning streak including a 4-0 first-round sweep, a week to rest and home-court advantage, Tim Duncan noted the Lakers’ “incredible talent,” adding that the Spurs always knew they would “have to go through them.”

Happily for the Spurs, you actually have to go out and play, which they always do but the Lakers do only intermittently, between snits that continued through the Houston series, even as they won four of the five games.

The Laker superstars have gotten so much press and adulation, they don’t want to be bothered, unless it’s Jay Leno or Barbara Walters or for a magazine cover.

The Spurs’ superstar gets little press and likes it that way. When a reporter asked the team publicist for 10 minutes with Duncan, he was told Tim wouldn’t be interested.

“OK, I’ll just get what I need in the group interview,” the reporter said.

“Tim doesn’t talk every day,” the official said.

Well, it was worth a try, barely.

“There’s a huge difference between Tim’s public image and his personality,” said former teammate Steve Kerr, now a TNT announcer.

“He’s a fantastic guy with a really great sense of humor, but he’s one of those guys who just doesn’t want to talk about himself or have his business out in public.”

The Spurs are into being left alone.

The retired David Robinson, a media favorite, was accessible only at games and practices. When Sports Illustrated was about to name Robinson and Duncan Sportsmen of the Year, its first interview request was turned down.

The Spurs don’t do feuds or controversies. When Coach Gregg Popovich was asked if he’d like to review Los Angeles, after the Lakers’ Phil Jackson dismissed San Antonio, he answered, “No, probably not.”

Duncan is looser than he used to be but still no font of incendiary quotes or headlines.

The only problem Popovich has ever had with him was the thought he might leave, as when Duncan checked out Orlando in 2000, and those days are over.

“And it’s not that he’s a Boy Scout, that he’s just vanilla, that he’s just there,” Popovich said.

“Sometimes he’s hard-headed. Sometimes he’s stubborn. But it’s always on himself. He’s willing to listen to anything, he works at whatever we ask him to do. He just gets stubborn once in a while at himself because he’s angry because he didn’t get this done or get that done....

“Talk about coming to practice every day and giving you everything he has and being a leader and example for his teammates -- I get on him more than anybody on the basketball team. People usually don’t see that, but at halftimes and practice, things like that, I’ll be on him more than anybody.

“If you can get on your superstar, you’re in a heck of a great situation because everybody else follows suit and you can make corrections. You can criticize, which is important. Everything can’t just be positive, positive, positive. People have to know what they’re doing wrong and if you can tell him, you can tell anybody.”

With Duncan and the program synonymous, the Spurs don’t have all the Lakers’ negotiations about whose team this is, or whose shot this is.

These have become so institutionalized in Los Angeles, they’re taken for granted and even cross over into advertising, such as the radio billboards that show a grim-looking O’Neal with the words “My City ... My Station.”

It’s not as if the Spurs have no controversies, they just don’t announce theirs. Malik Rose, once their best reserve, has had annual tug-of-wars with Popovich and has all but disappeared, although Popovich might let him out of his doghouse to help defend O’Neal.

Nevertheless, Rose isn’t complaining about Popovich, or saying he respects him but doesn’t like him, etc.

Of course, four superstars are great when they’re all aligned. The Spurs were determined to add a second superstar, but last summer’s courtship of Jason Kidd ran afoul of Mrs. Kidd, who wanted to stay in New Jersey where her TV career was flourishing.

So the Spurs still live and die on the exploits, and three-point shooting, of Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili, who are young, exciting and all over the lot.

The Lakers have their own problems and need momentum, such as a victory in the first two games. If they get that, anything is possible.

Without it?

Let’s just say for them, the good times have been hard enough.