Preparing spiritually and morally

A recent survey by the Barna Group revealed that less than 10% of

Americans believe that children are being given good spiritual or

moral preparation for life. The company polled adults in the U.S. on

how well they felt that children being prepared for life --

physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and morally.

Among the 1,011 people polled, just 8% felt that children were well

prepared spiritually or morally for life. By comparison, 12% said

that children were prepared emotionally, 16% said they were prepared

physically, and 18% said they were ready intellectually. Why are

those numbers so low? What can Americans do to improve the spiritual

and moral preparation of children for life?

These numbers are low! The social scientist in me wonders about

the mechanics of this survey and world views of its 1,011

participants, but I know the Barna Group is reputable.

Why are the numbers low? Since child development “experts” agree

that children do what they see modeled, perhaps the adults they

experience are not well prepared for life -- intellectually,

physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Pessimism ... fatalism ... necessarianism ... Necessitarianism ...

or other “isms” -- which draw people to emphasize adverse

possibilities, to think that evil overbalances happiness in life and

that the worst is always yet to come and/or believe that the “glass

is half empty” -- may be behind these discouraging percentages.

Are Americans really doing so poorly preparing youth for life?

Personally, I don’t think so, as I try to be ever hopeful, optimistic

and look for that “glass” to be “half full!” And my family is blessed

to enjoy access to great schools and libraries, first class health

care and psychological resources and an incredibly wonderful church!

I often say that communities, like churches and synagogues and

mosques, exist to witness to the reality that human beings are

spiritual as well as intellectual, emotional and physical creatures.

I add that American secular society does so well at nurturing our

intellectual and physical sides that I hope religious institutions do

as well. This survey says that we do as it indicts us -- our schools

and CSP, DARE, SANE, LLB, AYSO and the YMCA, as well as religious

communities and . . . families.

Family is central and crucial. Preparing children for life is

primarily the responsibility of their family.

How? Attitude and effort! Families must witness to core realities

-- that human beings are much more good than evil for, to quote the

catechism in the Book of Common Prayer, we are “made in the image of

God;” that we are “free to make choices to love, to create, to

reason, and to live in harmony with creation and with God;” that we

“misuse our freedom and make wrong choices;” that we need our

community to be “the pillar and ground of truth.” St. Paul summarized

this well in 1 Corinthians 13: We all need “faith and hope and love.”

(THE VERY REV’D CANON)

PETER D. HAYNES

Saint Michael & All Angels

Episcopal Church

Corona del Mar

Knowing that only 8% of our children are morally and spiritually

prepared for life is saddening.

What sort of hope do we cling to, knowing that the basis of our

humanity is built by our moral conduct? What are we teaching our

children? This is of great and grave concern for all of us.

If this is the case, then we should not be surprised when we read

or hear about teenagers beating up homeless people because they are

bored, or find it shocking when a group of teenagers randomly shoot a

12-year-old boy 19 times as he pleaded for his life.

We must first begin by teaching ourselves and our family that the

life of a person has value and is sacred. We must constantly instill

into the minds and hearts of our children that righteousness is the

best form of behavior. We must teach our children the principles of

humanity, to be just and compassionate.

IMAM MOUSTAFA AL-QAZWINI

Islamic Educational Center of

Orange County

Costa Mesa

The best condensation of a parental blessing was offered by the

Biblical Isaac to his son Jacob: “May God give you of the dew of

Heaven and of the fat of the earth.” We note that the “dew of Heaven”

is mentioned first. This needs emphasizing, because in failing to

follow this order lays the error of many parents today.

We naturally wish to endow our children with the good things of

the earth. It is a noble striving to spare our children material

want. But we are often so concerned with securing for them the

physical possessions of the earth that we neglect to saturate their

souls with the dew of Heaven, the tenets of religion, the foundation

of faith, the distinction between what is holy and unholy, the

strength of soul. We have made more of the holiness of beauty than

the beauty of holiness. We give them the tools to make a living, but

not the tools to fashion a life.

To the “You are what you drive, you are what you wear, you are

where you live” culture, Aldous Huxley cautioned: “I cannot say I am

in the slightest degree impressed by the bigness of America or your

material resources as such. Size is not grandeur and territory does

not make a nation. The great issue about which hangs a true sublimity

and the terror of overhanging fate is: ‘What are you going to do with

all these things? What is to be the end of which these are to be the

means?’”

We must orient our children not only to the ephemeral lures of

this earth, but even more to the eternal values of Heaven. We must

teach that the things of this world do not provide for our salvation,

that they are a means and not the ultimate goal. The ideals of the

spirit are to have first claim upon us, and through us, upon our

children. Society tempts us with the idolatry that our wealth is

located in the abundance of our accumulations from the fat of the

earth, but true riches are in the abundance of spirit and cumulative

development of character.

May Isaac’s ancient prayer be fulfilled in the lives of our

children, and may it be in the order and with the emphasis that he

uttered it.

RABBI MARK S. MILLER

Temple Bat Yam

Newport Beach

What guides me in figuring out the right thing to do in a

difficult situation? What gives me courage or resolve, when I know

what I should do, but sense I am waffling, finding excuses to do

otherwise? If we are unclear about this process, we will not be of

much help in providing direction, resources or encouragement for

parents and children seeking spiritual and moral development.

As adults, the moral crisis of our time is not whether we choose

religion A or job B or what side we are on when debating the issues

of the day; it is whether our vision of life is that it is to be

lived solely for my own pleasure (including my immediate family) or

whether it is to be lived for loving service in response to the gift

of life. Do we want to grow in love and wisdom, or do we want to grow

in square footage of house, brand of car, things owned, successes

achieved and prestigious experiences acquired? Is our giving limited

to taking care of me and mine?

The prevalence of stress, a constant rush and the lack of free

time in our culture stem from the greed to have too much and to do it

all, without a clear sense of purpose. The reality is that we need to

make good choices, to take responsibility for prioritization and

simplification and to keep an eye on the precious fragility of life.

We must question whether care for children is a priority in our

nation. We are not spending enough money on education of any kind, on

alleviating the poverty many children live in and on the neglect and

abuse of children. The low salaries of teachers as compared to other

workers in our society is but one example of our lack of care about

children.

I recently taught a doctoral class on ethics for counseling

students, mostly professionals in their 40s. To develop a broader

sense of personal responsibility for ethical conduct, beyond

professional ethical codes or laws, I assigned a popular book, “How

Good People Make Tough Choices: Resolving the Dilemmas of Ethical

Living” by Rushworth Kidder.

In interviewing leaders from all over the world, Kidder found that

six issues emerged for the 21st century: nuclear threat,

environmental degradation, population explosion, economic gap between

developed and undeveloped countries, education reform and the

breakdown of morality. Summarizing and drawing upon Western and

Eastern philosophy, the world’s religious traditions, psychology,

politics and business, he proposes a practical set of tools by which

people can make tough decisions.

Ethical fitness involves reflection, study, discussion and

practice similar to that required for physical fitness or career

preparation. I asked students to write a personal reflection paper on

the topic, “How do I personally decide what the right thing to do

is?” I asked them to consider a number of influences: people who

guided your thinking about character and development, such as

parents, grandparents, teachers, friends; your religious background;

present spiritual beliefs and practices; people you admire;

life-changing books; significant life experiences; your ideals and

goals. And what would you like your tombstone to say about the life

you lived?

Development is the key word. We learn, change and mature as life

presents us with trial and error situations in which to grow. The

pioneering research of Lawrence Kohlberg and James Fowler introduced

students of psychology and religious studies to stages of moral and

spiritual growth, similar to developmental stages well known in

physical, emotional and intellectual growth.

For example, a very young child will make choices not on a

personal sense of what is right or wrong, but on the basis of fear of

punishment or hope for reward. In later stages of life, the mature

adult’s decisions are based on his or her deepening awareness of

universal principles and natural desire to act for the well being of

all. Obeying the authority of others, desires for conformity or

approval of others decline as commit- ment to conscience and the

spiritual path increase. We move beyond the carrot and stick.

In Zen, our practice of meditation is the key resource for our

actions and our life. Precepts such as “Do no harm” and “Do good for

others” are interpreted within the context of a meditation practice,

not as a literal list of do’s and don’ts. Our aspiration to be in

accord with our “true self” and our commitment to grow in compassion

and wisdom are strengthened in zazen, which is seated meditation, but

also awareness in the midst of daily life activities. As Zen Master

Dogen says, “To study Zen is to study the self; to study the self is

to forget the self; to forget the self is to be one with all things.”

I believe that the moral and spiritual preparation of children

begins with the moral and spiritual preparation of adults. Whether

this training comes at home, at school, at church, at temple or in

other community forums, the key is taking the time to commit to

steady development in our own lives and to make the care of children

a social priority.

REV. DR. DEBORAH BARRETT

Zen Center of Orange County

Costa Mesa

We have been lied to. We have forgotten our spiritual heritage.

The inauguration was a beautiful reminder that we are a spiritual

nation with a spiritual heritage. At least half of the pictures in

the Capitol rotunda are scenes of worship. Regardless their spiritual

background, our Founders had in mind a spiritual nation.

In the last half of the last century, that background was ripped

from us. Separation of church and state took on a whole new

definition.

I lived in Eastern Europe for several years as a pastor. One of

the most striking issues I confronted was the lack of moral/spiritual

foundations. In the communist system, your value is based on what you

give back to the state. Orphanages filled with children who were

“defective” and could not help the system. Children were forced into

school assemblies and sports events on Sunday mornings so they could

not attend church.

When the system collapsed, religion had been erased as a relevant

option in a massive majority of the people by strategic education of

the state. So a vacuum developed. If the state (community) is not my

priority anymore and God doesn’t exist, then only I am left. As a

result, gangs, mafia, road pirates and more have become commonplace.

It’s all about me. Who cares if someone else gets hurt.

Our extreme version of capitalism has begun to accomplish the same

objective. Sports events are now regularly scheduled on Sunday

mornings. Success and materialism have become the new religion in

America. Sports stars rant and rave, cuss and fight and claim no

responsibility to our children.

If a woman came up to your family on the street and flashed her

breast at your children, she could be arrested for indecent exposure.

However, when a musician does it during the Super Bowl, people of

faith are ridiculed as out of touch for complaining.

Our former president admits to having an affair, but in the very

next breath insists that he did nothing in his job to embarrass the

American people.

We have lost personal responsibility to the common good as one of

the many bygone moral standards. Moral standards are no longer

absolutes, but relative. My African American cousin in a school

district several hours north of here was told in school that the

Holocaust was not real. He was told that Hitler may have had the

right idea, according to the relative morals of his culture and that

we don’t have the right to judge that culture. Had my grandfather not

been a G.I. in Germany during that time, my cousin would have had no

one else to correct the myth.

Revisionists are rewriting history to fit their agendas. Abe

Lincoln, according to a new book, was perhaps a homosexual. The Ten

Commandments have been ordered out of courtrooms and classrooms

across the country, but they are still all over the U.S. Supreme

Court buildings.

If we are not careful, the spiritual heritage and thus the moral

foundation they establish will be completely erased. Then we will be

looking at far graver statistics that the ones mentioned above. Read

your history books. Read original documents. Decide that your lives

will be based on something bigger than yourselves. Check out your

local church, synagogue or temple. Read what these faiths have to

offer. You have got to make it a priority, or your children will not.

You can’t just drop them off at the door. You have to participate as

well. The best place to start training kids, spiritually and morally,

is in the home.

SENIOR ASSOCIATE PASTOR

RIC OLSEN

Harbor Trinity

Costa Mesa