Loving a Lost One : The Thousand Oaks author’s book addresses problems and resources for relatives of people with Alzheimer’s.

Author Carol Heckman-Owen, 81, has written a book about love lost, found and lost again that has been an inspirational resource guide for a growing number of people since its release in January.

“Life With Charlie: Coping With an Alzheimer’s Spouse or Other Dementia Patient and Keeping Your Sanity,” released by Pathfinder Publishing in Ventura, is a personal account of Heckman-Owen’s experiences as a care giver.

But it also describes her romance with Charlie Owen as high school sweethearts who drifted apart when she left for Wellesley College. They rediscovered one another after the deaths of both their spouses and married in 1977. Then in 1980, Owen began experiencing symptoms of Alzheimer’s and was diagnosed with the disease a year later.

For seven years, Heckman-Owen struggled as the primary care giver while her husband deteriorated until now, at 83, he is in the fourth and final phase of the disease. His body lives at the Thousand Oaks Health Care Center, but he does not speak and requires total care. “He does not know me,” she said while feeding him ice cream on a recent visit. “But occasionally he looks at me like someone he should know. I talk to him, tell him I’m his wife, and I love him.”

As a resource guide, Heckman-Owen’s book addresses the problems of home care, financial, legal and insurance resources as well as deciding when and how to select a nursing home.

“I had previously written some articles and poetry,” Heckman-Owen said. “But this is my first book. I feel like Grandma Moses who didn’t paint a picture till she was 80.”

Heckman-Owen said many people feel guilty about placing a loved one in a care facility. She did, but the stress of the “36-hour day,” she said, affected her health. She developed cancer, which resulted in a mastectomy two years ago.

“I lost 10 pounds and had two heart attacks before I put him in a home because I said I never would do that.”

She now lives with one of her two children, a daughter, in Thousand Oaks. After spending nearly all the money left by her first husband on medical care for Charlie, Heckman-Owen said she was forced to get a divorce after 14 years of marriage to become eligible for government medical assistance. If not for the divorce and her daughter’s care, Heckman-Owen said she would be living on welfare.

Author Leonard Felder wrote in the book’s foreword: “This is not a book about Alzheimer’s disease. It is the story of what it means to be human.”

Said Heckman-Owen: “If it helps only one person, I’ll be satisfied that I wrote the book.”

Adult day care: The Fitzgerald Center in Thousand Oaks, which provides adult day care for the frail elderly and a respite for family care givers, will open its larger facility in early July.

“We will have two programs for seniors with special needs,” said Lynn Engelbert, director of Fitzgerald Center. “The first will be a 40-participant day support program for elderly 60 and up. Our goal is to keep the frail elderly from being prematurely admitted to a long-term care facility and to keep them mentally and physically active.”

Although not specifically geared for Alzheimer’s patients, the first program has a social component that works well for people in the initial stage of the disease.

Engelbert said the second program is specifically designed for people with Alzheimer’s in moderate stages who require special activities to promote a positive self-image and to maintain competence.

Engelbert emphasized the value of adult day programs for many elderly, not just those in a crisis situation. “In the later years, people still need social stimulation from peers’ companionship,” Engelbert said. “We laugh a lot and share a lot. And you know how therapeutic this is at any age.”

* FYI

* “Life With Charlie” retails for $9.95 in paperback and is available at the Bookworm, 2155 E. Ventura Blvd., Camarillo, 482-1384; the Living Tree in the Oaks Mall, Thousand Oaks, 497-1133, or by calling the publisher at 642-9278. The Walden Book chain will be carrying it soon.

* The Ventura County chapter of the Alzheimer’s Assn., 921 E. Main St., Suite B, Ventura, is an advocacy and information group that also sponsors several family support groups for Alzheimer’s care givers. For details, call 653-6118.

* If you are a care giver needing pre-admission advice about nursing homes, legal or financial matters, the Long Term Care Ombudsman Program of Ventura County can help. Call 656-1986 or 373-7371.

* The new Fitzgerald House will be at 401 Hodencamp Road, Thousand Oaks. The center will have a senior stroll fund-raiser May 17 at 2:30 p.m. To obtain a pledge form, call 497-0189. The center is operated by Senior Concerns, a nonprofit agency that depends on community support to provide services, including Meals-on-Wheels, to area senior citizens. The Senior Concerns Thrift Shop, 80 E. Hillcrest Drive, Thousand Oaks, 373-0504, raises funds for the nonprofit agency. To become a volunteer in Senior Concerns programs, call 497-0159.