Talking to Kent Leaves You Feeling a Little Bit Punchy

I asked Mr. Chuckles what would happen to me if I walked up to him, maybe a little angry at something he said, which is certainly plausible, and just knocked the bat out of his hands a la Kenny Rogers. Then knocked him to the ground.

Jeff Kent grinned. “Because of my competitive nature I would probably punch you back. I wouldn’t wait for the courts. I wouldn’t wait for the lawsuit.”

It’s just my gut feeling, but I think he was speaking from the heart.

If Mr. Chuckles did that, he would be hailed as a great humanitarian. If I popped a Dodger in the nose in retaliation, once I stopped running, the newspaper would fire me. At the very least it would suspend me without pay because it’s already company policy not to pay people much for working, so they certainly wouldn’t pay me for doing nothing.

Baseball is different. No one did anything to provoke Rogers beyond writing nasty words in the paper, which he physically took out on a cameraman. He received a 20-game suspension, but because he’s a starting pitcher, he’ll miss four days of work, unless his appeal is successful and his suspension is reduced.

Rogers earns $19,125.68 a day -- whether he’s pitching or not -- according to the Dallas Morning News, and the team will continue to pay him while he goes on vacation for clocking a cameraman.

He has also been fined $50,000, but he remains eligible to be named to the All-Star team because he’s appealing his suspension, and if selected, he will receive an All-Star bonus that will take care of the fine.

“We all flip out at times,” Kent said, and for the record I can tell you I’ve never knocked the bat out of a player’s hands, even though it’s probably my civic duty to do so every time I see Hee-Seop Choi picking one up.

“But we’re playing a game and we’re supposed to be having fun, so we’re supposed to be under control,” Kent said, “and that’s unfair.”

I will pause here, as I did in my interview with Mr. Chuckles, to count to 10, before pointing out the stupidity of such a ridiculous remark.

“As a guy like myself who is on the inside of the game -- because you’re not and the fans are not -- it’s hard to criticize [Rogers] for what he did,” Kent said. “I don’t know what set him off, or what provoked him.”

One, two, three, four, five, six ... sorry, never made it to 10.

“I want to caution you, that comment could get you in trouble because there’s no reason to walk up to someone and assault them,” I told Kent, and while he didn’t back off his remarks, he said, “I haven’t watched TV, haven’t read anything about it, so I don’t know what happened.

“I just know that you’re going to take his side as another media person,” Kent said, “and because I’m a player, I’m going to take the player’s side.”

The nice thing about chatting with Kent these days is that we agree on nothing, but because he remains professional -- making him the ideal role model for Rogers -- we continue to meet and share our disagreements.

I maintain he even looks forward to our little talks and my tips on improving his attitude. For example, the clubhouse was empty when he finally appeared Saturday, and I told him I’d been waiting for him. He seemed really pleased.

“My lucky day,” he said.

We even joked about his visit to the mound after consecutive pitches by Derek Lowe were hit for homers. I asked Lowe what Kent said, and he said Kent told him, “You stink. This is not the way you pitch.”

I relayed that to Kent, teasing him because he’d never reveal what he said to Lowe, and he almost laughed. Came darn close.

“That’s not what I told Lowe. I was just trying to have some fun like you’ve suggested,” Mr. Chuckles said, and you can see the progress we’re making.

We’d make a lot more, of course, if he didn’t say such stupid things.

“Most of the time you’re the guys who are causing [the athletes to flip out],” Kent said. “Players get upset because what’s said in here doesn’t translate the right way through the media. It comes out too cynical, too negative, too judgmental.”

That’s a fine speech, but hard to explain to a cameraman, assigned by his station to point a camera at Rogers when he comes on the field, who then ends the night in a hospital.

When I mentioned hospital, Kent rolled his eyes, but he said he hadn’t seen the incident, so I gave him that.

“I really do wish you would take a [punch] at me,” Kent concluded.

Well, I thought about asking him to pick up a bat and then knocking it out of his hands, but there wasn’t anyone else in the clubhouse, so who would believe me when I told them later I had put Mr. Chuckles on his backside?

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CATCHER JASON PHILLIPS apparently has an interesting opinion of Dodger fans. After Luis Gonzalez leaned into the stands to rob Phillips of a home run, Phillips asked, “There’s not one idiot out there that can reach over and grab the ball?”

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THE FIRST grandchild was due Saturday, but was a no-show. The kid apparently has a mind of its own, which is a relief knowing the father is the Grocery Store Bagger.

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ON A 1540 sports update last week, Pete Arbogast reported the hiring of Laker radio play-by-play broadcaster Spero Dedes, noting it’s the third voice to replace Chick Hearn, “and probably not going to be the last.”

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from William Gomez:

“Mr. Simers, or Mr. Stupid as I’ve come to know you, please do every Dodger fan a favor and cease writing about the team with your poor excuse for wit. It’s no wonder you are not welcomed in the clubhouse. Oh, and by the way, your invite to the [Dodgers’] charity golf tournament wasn’t lost in the mail. Who would want a loudmouth no nothing attending their function?”

I believe “no nothing” should really be “know nothing” in this instance.

T.J. Simers can be reached at

[email protected]. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.